Mal Love Bots
by Gwenfrewi72
Summary: Mal and Badger go into business together selling Mal Love Bots.  Hilarity and confusion ensues when one of them shows up on the ship.
1. Chapter 1

Mal Love Bots for Sale! (1/?)

Word Count: 1,418

Rating: M - overall story rating

Author's Note: For damiarvn, srichard, and obsidianagirl

Summary: Well you read the title you get the idea. This goes from innocent to naughty. What can I say, my mind is a very weird, and twisted place.

Disclaimer: The great, almighty and powerful Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. own the universe and characters. I'm just playing with them.

* * *

Mal walked into Badger's office to come face to face with himself.

Clearly confused, all that comes from his mouth is "Huh?"

He peers closer at the tag to find that it says:

Captain Malcolm Reynolds clone

Sold to you by Badger Industries.

Zoë's mouth twitched and Jayne just goggled in confusion.

"What do ya think? After the hoopla you created with Miranda, all the woman are just beggin' for 'em. I figure if ya give me the rights to your image, I can make us a bleedin' fortune." Badger's accent grated on Mal's last nerve.

"What in the gorram hell do you think you're doing?"

"Turnin' a profit off that face of yours, is what. There are women out there willin' to pay a pretty penny to have their very own Malcolm Reynolds love bot."

Zoë couldn't keep the smirk from breaking across her face at Badger's words. Jayne, of course, just guffawed loud enough to wake the dead back on Miranda.

"There is no way in hell I'm gonna give you the right to sell me."

"Sir, I'm sure there's a profit to this enterprise, otherwise Badger'd have nothing to do with it." Zoë's lips twitched as she said this.

"Exactly. I was plannin' on giving you 25 of each clone sold. That's 1,000 platinum each time. I've already got a waiting list of like 10,000."

Jayne's laughter halted when he heard the numbers and quickly added it up and figured out what his percentage of that would be. "I wouldn't mind getting my cut of that kind of action."

Mal turned a stony glare at Jayne. "Why would you get a percentage of that? It's my image being sold, not yours."

Jayne's face turned sulky, when he realized that he was getting nothin' out of the situation other than a good chuckle.

"So Reynolds, we got ourselves a deal?" Badger's beady eyes twinkled in avarice.

"Make it 50 and we've got ourselves a bargain."

Badger's eyes darkened with anger, but he knew he was still gonna make a handsome profit, sides once he had the rights to Mal's image, he knew he could make a profit on other merchandise. "Agreed," he smiled warmly and held out his hand to shake on it.

Mal shook his head. "No way, if I'm giving you rights to my image, we're gonna have a contract that stipulates that you only can use my image for the clones and nothin' else. I'll get with Lord Warwick to find a lawyer to have a contract drawn up for us."

Badger's face fell. "Done."

As Mal's party left the office, Badger turned to his Cortex operator and gave him a nod. Within moments of receiving the go ahead, a new ad appeared on the Cortex.

* * *

Meanwhile back on Serenity, Kaylee and River were surfacing the Cortex looking for some mail order dresses, when a new advertisement flashed on the right side of their screen. 

Kaylee and River's eyes widened when they saw the caption "Have Captain Malcolm Reynolds as your very own Love Bot.only 3,999 platinum. Click Here to order Now. Quantities Limited!!!"

River quickly clicked on the caption, and the girls began to laugh hysterically as they read the information.

After reading the entire ad, Kaylee left to fetch Simon. He just had to read it.

River starred pensively out the cockpit window into the gray sky, her thoughts turbulent.

After a while, she nodded as if reaching some conclusion about something and turned back to the screen.

* * *

Six months later the crew of Serenity made one of their regularly schedule stops at the Bazaar to visit Ammon Duul to pick up their mail. 

Kaylee and Simon had dragged River to see the 'alien' life form that the Barker had been hawking, as Jayne, Zoë and Mal went to pickup the mail.

Mal was signing for it, when once again Ammon wheeled out a life sized box and several other smaller packages.

Nervously Mal asks, "Whose the large box for?"

"Ms. Regina Tambling."

"Who?"

Just then, Kaylee, Simon and River walked up.

"That would be mine Captain." River said.

"What in the sphincter of hell did you order?" Mal's eyed her incredulously.

River's eyes fell guiltily to the floor as her face turned incarnadine in embarrassment.

"Mei-mei?" Simon asked.

"Just ordered something. It's mine, bought and paid for. No one can take it away." River insisted stubbornly.

Seeing that River was starting to get agitated, Simon quickly tried to placate her.

"Of course not. You have the right to spend your money on anything you like. You earned it."

River smiled happily at her brother.

Mal rolled his eyes at this nonsense and reached down to grasp one of the handles to carry it back to the ship.

"Jayne."

Jayne looked at him in confusion. "I ain't carryin' that. Crazy ordered it, then she can carry it."

"Jayne." Mal's tone and look said it all.

Huffing in annoyance, Jayne picked up the other side of the box and helped carry it back to the ship.

Zoë followed as she carried the other supplies they'd picked up. Simon and Kaylee took up the rear as Kaylee speculated wildly as to what was in the crate. River smiled and skipped next to them as they made their way back to the ship.

Once they were all back on board, the crew waited around in the cargo bay for River to take off and set course. They all wanted to know what was in the box.

River remained up in the cockpit, steering Serenity through the black. She knew she would have to open her box later when no one was around.

After an hour of waiting, the crew realized that River wasn't coming back to open it in front of them, so they all drifted off to other tasks. They all made sure to make numerous passes by the cargo bay, on the off chance that they might catch her opening her package. The all went to bed that night after River; confident that surely she wouldn't open it until sometime the next day.

Late that night, River slipped from her bunk. She could feel everyone asleep except for the Captain, but he was surely on the bridge. Scanning his mind, she realized he was focused on the stars and wouldn't disturb her.

Sneaking quietly into the cargo bay was easy since Simon had taken to sharing Kaylee's bunk, but opening the box would be tricky, but she wasn't a genius for nothing.

High up on the catwalks, Mal stood perfectly still, his mind focused on the image of stars dancing out in space as he watched River.

Down in the cargo bay, River very carefully used the crow bar that Jayne had thoughtfully left on the box to pry open the box. Each time the wood squeaked as the nails were removed for the grain, she'd pause and once again did a mental check on the crew.

Her patience and hard work finally paid off; the lid was off. Lifting and carefully setting it flat on the floor next to the box, she scrapped the raffia packing material away from the front of her prize.

Mal stood in shock as he stared down at what was in the box. He wondered more importantly, why had River ordered it.

River was so fixated on staring at her new toy she didn't sense the surprise and curiosity that came from above.

With a trembling hand, River reached down to lovingly stroke the cheek. A smile bloomed across her face as she touched what she had so longed to caress and until now had been unthinkable to do.

Realizing that she needed to activate it and get it hidden before anyone woke up, River searched frantically through the rest of the packing material until she emerged triumphantly with the remote.

Hitting the on button, the toy sat up and stared at her with piercing blue eyes.

"Follow me," she whispered.

River slowly backed up and watched as her new plaything emerged from the box and followed her to the dorms. She coaxed it into one of the upper rooms where no one would look until she could move it to a better spot.

Mal stood staring at the now empty crate. After watching River's brief interaction with it, he began to conjecture as to the exact why River had bought it. If what he suspected was correct, well then, he had to decide what he was gonna do about it.


	2. Chapter 2

Mal Love Bots for Sale! (2/?)

Word Count: 1,251 per Word

Rating: M - overall story rating

Author's Note: For damiarvn, srichard, and obsidianagirl

Summary: Okay, this one has really got my muse going for some weird reason. Can't wait to see what she's got planned next. There are two special things in this chapter just for obsidianagirl. You know what they are. giggles

Disclaimer: The great, almighty and powerful Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. own the universe and characters. I'm just playing with them.

Qing jinCome in

Ni zhao si ma? Ni yao wo kai qiang? You wanna bullet? You wanna bullet right through your throat?

* * *

Mal wandered back to the bridge. His mind racing with theories as to what was going on with River. 

He was staring out at the stars when Zoë relieved him early that morning.

Biding her goodnight, he made his way to his bunk to catch at least a few hours sleep. Little did he know his slumber would be interrupted by dreams of River, himself and her new toy engaging in erotic play.

Jayne awoke especially early the next day. He was determined to find out what River's package contained and planned on spendin' the day in the cargo bay working out in order to catch her opening the box.

Grabbing a spare towel and throwing it over his shoulders, he whistled the tune of an old ditty he'd learned at his pa's knee as he made his way to his weight bench.

He was so pleased with himself for his cunning plan; he didn't notice the opened crate until he was upon it.

"Gorramit," he shouted as he kicked the side in frustration.

Jayne glared at the packing material in annoyance, when he realized that she'd obviously claimed her prize whilst they slept and had probably stowed it in her room.

A crafty smile graced his face as he headed toward the dorms.

With a stealthy grace, uncommon for a man his size and weight, he snuck cautiously toward her room.

Sliding the door open carefully, he peered anxiously into the darkened room. To his disappointment, he spied nothing that looked like it was big enough to have come from the box.

Sighing in resignation, he turned and made his way toward the kitchen. He might as well have breakfast, as there weren't a reason to hang in the cargo bay all day.

Lying in her bunk, River smiled smugly as she felt Jayne leave. Her hiding place would only hold out for so long, so she hastily dressed and moved her toy to a more secure location in her room.

* * *

River grinned as she entered the kitchen after stopping by the bridge to ensure that the course was set. She could tell by the frowns and disgruntled expressions on everyone's face that Jayne had informed her that she'd opened the package without them. 

"River, what was in the package?" Kaylee asked inquisitively. She was sure River would tell them what it was.

"Private. Not for all the boys and girls to play with."

"That it is. It's your property and you don't have to share it ifn you don't want to." Mal voice said from behind her.

River cast a look of pure delight at him over her shoulder. When he placed his warm, strong hand on her shoulder in affection, her breathing hitched and her skin tingled in awareness of how near he was.

Mal's shrewd eyes took in her reaction and he crowed internally with confirmation of his theory.

"Come on, lil' albatross. We've got work to be doin' today, so you best eat up." Mal smiled as he guided River over to the chair next to his.

River glowed with pride at having been placed at Mal's side. He rarely showed her such attention and she reveled in it, no matter how long it lasted.

* * *

The job had gone off without a hitch as far as Mal was concerned and that was all that matter. No one had been shot or cut up, so it had gone smooth. The fact that River had kept that from happening with her deadly talents had not gone unnoticed. 

River sat curled up on her bed, her back against Serenity as she ruminated late into the night about Mal's doting manner that day. It was most unlike him to fawn on her the way he had and even Zoë had been shooting him odd looks all day. Jayne had just assumed that Mal was trying to butter her up to find out what her package was.

Just then, a knock sounded at her door.

"Qing jin."

Mal opened the door and walked in. "How you doing?"

"I'm good."

"You know I'm right proud of how you handled yourself today."

"Yeah."

Mal took a seat next to her on the bed.

"I've been thinking about a few things."

River just gave him an inquisitive look from behind her long hair.

"Well, I've been noticing lately that you're not such a little girl any more. We just celebrated your 18th birthday not so long ago and I…"

Mal stared at the floor as he tried to figure out what to say next.

River waited impatiently for a few moments but felt she would implode if he didn't say it.

"You what?"

"I…aw hell." Mal leaned over and kissed her.

River wasn't surprised and quickly responded to the kiss.

Mal, feeling her participate, began to kiss her in earnest. His tongue slide across the smooth expanse of her lips and then gentled plundered into the secrets of her mouth.

River willingly opened herself to his invasion. Her body hummed with desire and she took the initiative by straddling his lap and grabbing his head and pulling him closer.

Mal groaned into her mouth and his hands began to run them up and down her sides before grasping her hips and grinding her against his hardness.

River gasped in terror as these new and alien sensations washed over her.

Pushing hard on his shoulders, she levered herself away from him.

"Sweetheart?" Mal's face was clouded in confusion.

"Too much. Drowning." River's eyes reflected her terror.

"Shush. It's all right. We'll take things slow. I'll just head back to my bunk now." Mal went to lift her off him, when she clutched desperately at him.

"Stay," she whispered.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea, River."

"Please. Monsters come at night to eat. Ravage the mind, bring the terror that can't be seen." River pleaded as tears fell down her cheeks.

Sighing with resignation, Mal laid down on the bed and motioned for River join him.

River sniffled as she snuggled up next to Mal and drifted off to sleep.

Mal smiled as he drew the blanket up over them and followed her in slumber.

* * *

The next morning Simon had risen early. He wanted to check on River. Ever since she had gotten the package she'd been behaving oddly and he wanted to make sure everything was okay. 

Opening the door to her room, he was greeted with the image of Mal wrapped suggestively around his mei-mei. In her bed no less.

He stood trembling in rage, his hand on the door, trying to decide what to do. Finally, he closed the door and stalked to the infirmary.

Once inside his sanctuary, he proceeded to vehemently reorganize and clean everything. Instead he made a mess worthy of Jayne.

His temper increased with every minute as images of his sweet, innocent little sister being sexually taken advantage of by their span title"Bastard" hun dan /span of a captain.

Turning to go confront them, he was surprised to see Mal coming in the door.

"Doc, we're gonna…"

Mal's question was cut short by Simon's fist connecting to his face and knocking him on his ass.

"Ni zhao si ma? Ni yao wo kai qiang?" Mal snarled as he started to stand.

"How could you take advantage like that?" Simon screamed.

"Huh?"


	3. Chapter 3

Mal Love Bots for Sale! (3/?)

Word Count: 1,749 per Word

Rating: M - overall story rating.

Author's Note: For damiarvn, srichard, and obsidianagirl

Summary: For clarification, this little series is post BDM and Inara has left again. I'll admit to being lazy (actually, my muse just didn't' want to go there) and not wanting to deal with the entire Mal/Inara issues, but in this they tried to work it out, I mean really tried, but well, Mal was Mal and Inara was Inara and it just didn't work. River has also managed to get some measure of control against the crew on the ship. Not a lot mind you, but enough to block them a little bit.

Disclaimer: The great, almighty and powerful Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. own the universe and characters. I'm just playing with them.

Also, I promise I will try to keep the cliffy's out of this one, but I'm not promising anything Sid!

* * *

"You know what." Simon stiffly replied. His hands were balled into fists at his side. 

"I really don't." Mal's face was the picture of confusion as he stood up.

"You and River sleeping in her bed last night."

Mal's face brightened considerably at this. "Oh, that."

"Did you enjoy molesting my emotionally traumatized, underage sister?"

"First, she's eighteen and if memory serves me, that's the legal age of consent on every known planet and moon in the verse. Second, it was her idea. Third, what happened or didn't happen between me and River is none of your gorram business." Mal replied smugly, as he folded his arms over his chest.

"I…you…"

One part of Simon's brain registered that Mal was way too happy about this conversation while another part told him that it was the captain's perverse nature that made him act this way. Simon's rage once again took prevalence and his right fist launched itself at Mal's face.

Mal was prepared for it and he caught Simon's arm and twisted it behind his back.

"Now Doc, I guess you need to have a discussion about the birds and the bees with your little sister then. Otherwise, leave me alone.

"I just came to tell you I'd need your supply list tomorrow when we stop on New Melbourne."

Mal released him and left the room.

Simon stood there breathing hard, frustration written in every line of his body. His mind raced over the confrontation and found no satisfaction in it, he picked up a tray and was about to throw it across the room, when something Mal had said caught his attention.

He needed to talk to River 'about the birds and the bees'. Oh God.

Simon's rage left him in a huge whoosh as panic and anxiety gained supremacy. He collapsed against the med-chair and stared dumbstruck at the wall.

Mal grinned as he entered the kitchen. Now that the Doc was confronted with the fact that River was an adult, maybe he'd stop complaining.

Fixing himself a cup of coffee, he carried it with him up to the bridge to check the Cortex and Serenity's course.

River skipped happily into the dining room. It was her turn to fix breakfast and she'd had a wonderful nights sleep.

The smell of protein bacon and eggs frying, quickly had the crew assembling. Simon was the last to arrive and he watched pensively from his chair as River joyously went about her chores.

Sighing dejectedly at her antics, he then turned to glare at Mal as he walked in.

Mal just raised his eyebrows with a superior air.

Cowed but not beaten, Simon turned to give Kaylee a morning kiss. He'd talk with River later, much later.

"What's crazy so happy about?" Jayne grumbled as he began to shovel his food into his mouth.

"Flew like a bird away from the demons, safe into daddy's arms. Rose like a phoenix from the flames over and over again, in pain and delight, all night long."

Simon choked on his eggs.

"Sounds restful." Mal acknowledged with a satisfied smile.

River beamed in response.

Simon glowered as he stood abruptly.

"River, I need to talk to you in the med-bay now." Simon stalked out of the room.

River wore a bemused look as she followed him out.

Simon paced around the room as he waited for River. His mind was a confused bundle of pertinent facts and anguish. His sweet, little sister was having sex. The idea of that scared him and infuriated him simultaneously.

River entered the room cautiously. Simon had been projecting anger and anxiety as she walked in. She wasn't sure what was wrong but finally managed to shut his thoughts out.

"Simon?"

Simon really hated having to talk to her about this but it was his responsibility as her doctor and brother. Taking a deep breath Simon began.

"River, you know that when two people love each other very much, they express themselves in physical ways."

"Like you and Kaylee. Rutting in the engine room, kitchen, and med-bay."

"I…uh…" Simon was momentarily distracted, "rutting is not the word for what Kaylee and I do. Its called making love."

River just nodded, hoping that he would get to the point soon.

"Anyway, when two consenting, mature adults love each other and decide to have sex…"

River realized where this talk was heading.

"I know all about copulation. Mom talked of women's temples and how men worship at them. Learned the facts from a book at the Academy. Over 100 positions in the Kama Sutra, Kaylee would like to try…"

"Do you know what your doing?"

River gave him her 'you're an idiot' look.

"I mean, I saw who was in your bunk last night. I'm not sure that…"

River grasped his hands and turned beseeching eyes on him, her face awash with panic.

"Don't tell. No one will understand. Must keep secret."

"Oh mei-mei, I don't know how long it's gonna remain a secret, but I promise I won't tell anyone."

"Not even Kaylee."

Simon smiled indulgently. "Not even Kaylee."

"Swear."

"Swear on my dedicated source box." Simon invoked their childhood traditional promise.

Grinning, she kissed his cheeks and flitted way.

Just then it struck him, his brat of a sister had gotten him to swear not to tell anyone about her and Mal.

"I heard that." River's laughing voice carried in from the cargo bay.

Simon's shoulders sagged. River and Mal were sleeping together and there was very nothing he could do about it. Or maybe there was? Simon smiled in satisfaction.

* * *

Mal lay on his bunk staring at the ceiling, thinking about River. 

He remembered it as if it were yesterday, when he first kicked open that crate to see her curled fetal-like in it.

The rage that coursed through him at the thought that that prissy, high-class doctor had bought her. He planned on tearing him limb from limb. Then only to find out that she was his sister.

Then later that same day as he watched her sleep in the infirmary, all he could think was that she was a living example of what he had fought so desperately for in the war.

Her craziness and childlike behavior over the months after that until Early had shown up. She'd understood how he felt. He might have been groggy when she'd said it, but he'd felt she was reading his mind when she'd said 'You crawl inside me uninvited and you hurt my crew'. She'd said it with all the anger he'd been feeling at the time.

Then at the Maidenhead when she'd been triggered, all of a sudden she wasn't Simon's crazy little sister anymore. She was something _more_. Something that the Alliance had crafted to kill and destroy and dear Lord, how he had dreaded and loathed the thought of actually having to be the one to pull the trigger and put her down.

Later, watching her slumber, chained in the pantry like some wild creature. The thought of what had once been a little girl turned into a ruthless killer twisted his gut something fierce.

None of that compared to that moment on Mr. Universe's moon, when he'd stepped out of the lift to see everyone there but her. He'd felt like he would never be able to breath again.

Never mind the sword he'd taken to the gut, that feeling of total loss and emptiness was about to do him in when the blast doors opened and there she stood in all her bloody glory.

At that moment, he could breath again and all he wanted to do was fall at her feet to worship her as the death goddess she was. Fate had other plans because as he was about to walk towards her, the purple bellies burst into the room.

He'd watched as she eyed them then turning back to the crew, to him, for instruction; then her fingers tightening on the blades, preparing to deliver death to the soldiers who threatened their family.

It was then he knew she was his kind of crazy, but she was seventeen and he quickly squelched those thoughts. Those thoughts were part and parcel of that piece of him that had been hidden and protected since the war.

He'd already made enough mistakes with his crew. He didn't need messing up the youngest member of his crew to add to his list of sins. So he'd turned back to his obsession with Inara and he'd really tried to make it work.

If he was honest with himself, he really hadn't given it everything. That part he'd buried was a vital piece to making any relationship work and since he couldn't give that to Inara, he'd destroyed them and chased her off again.

Now with what was happening, maybe, just maybe, his little albatross was ready and able to accept that piece of him.

* * *

Simon explained to Kaylee that he was concerned about River and wanted to be close by and so would be sleeping in his old room for a few days. 

Kaylee had pouted for a few minutes until Simon assured her that it didn't mean he wasn't going to be taking her to bed every night. Kaylee beamed, then told him she understood and that she was sure he'd make it up to her.

The first night he peeked in to see River sleeping all alone curled up into a ball.

With his door open, he retired to the bunk.

When he checked in the next morning, there was Mal spooned around his sister.

Figuring he'd slept too heavily, so the next night he slept across her doorway, after again checking to ensure that she was alone.

Morning brought the revelation that that idea hadn't worked. River was draped over, what appeared to be, a fully naked Mal.

Furious but not beaten, Simon decided to rig a string from her door into his cabin attached to some empty cans. He set it up so that if her door opened even an inch, they would hit the floor and cause a terrible racket.

He fell asleep that night confident that Mal wouldn't see his contraption and he could catch him in the act of sneaking in.

The next morning Simon had to admit defeat. He'd open River's door after disabling his alarm to get an eyeful of Mal's naked ass.


	4. Chapter 4

Mal Love Bots for Sale! (4/?)

Word Count: 1,063 per Word

Rating: M - overall story rating

Author's Note: For damiarvn, srichard, and obsidianagirl

Summary: First a little more confusion, then the question will be answered. Is it Mal in River's bed at night or is it the Bot! Short chapter to get us to the good stuff!

Disclaimer: The great, almighty and powerful Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. own the universe and characters. I'm just playing with them.

* * *

After watching Mal and River flirting all day long, Simon was determined to make one last attempt to keep Mal from River's bed.

After spending some quality time with Kaylee in her bunk, Simon took up vigil in the common room.

After a few hours, Simon could feel his energy level dragging. In desperation, he went to the kitchen in search of a cup of coffee. He abhorred what passed for coffee out here in the black, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

A half-hour after he returned to his surveillance, Mal walked in.

Smugly satisfied, Simon stood to block his way.

"Doc."

"Out in the cargo bay, I don't want River to accidentally overhear this conversation." Simon gestured for the Captain to precede him.

Mal turned and walked into the cargo bay. Leaning against a crate, he looked Simon up and down.

"I got to give you credit for trying."

"Trying what?"

"Keeping me away from River. Too bad you sleep rather soundly. Leaving your door open didn't help at all."

Simon felt his rage start to simmer below the surface.

"Sleeping in front of her door was a decent idea, but I just stepped over you. Now last night, that rudimentary alarm you rigged up would have been good, if you hadn't left the wire out in the open. I just taped it up and the wire never moved as her door slide open."

Simon just gapped in stunned rage at Mal's arrogance.

"You bastard. How can you live with yourself? She's just a little girl."

"You know, I'm getting right tired of reminding you that she's of age to do anything she pleases, and there's not a thing one you can do about it."

"I could have her declared legally insane." Simon bluffed.

Mal's eyebrows rose in disbelief at this. Never mind they both knew if Simon did that that River would come under Alliance radar and Simon would never do anything to cause that to happen.

"I'm sure that will make you popular with your sister."

"That's between River and me. I want you to leave her alone."

"Since when have I taken orders from you on my ship? Never. Besides, can you guarantee she'll leave me alone?"

Simon's shoulders slumped in defeat. There was nothing in the 'verse that he knew of that could keep River from getting what she wanted.

"Just be careful with her."

"I protect me and mine."

"I know that. Just…she's a gift. The damage done by those bastards will cause her to deal with things differently than you or me."

Mal stared at him for a long moment before placing a gentle hand on Simon's shoulder.

"She is a gift, one more precious to me than you'll ever known. Trust me when I say I will never intentionally hurt her."

Relieved, Simon just nodded before turning and going back into the common area to sit and dwell on what had just happened. He heard the stomp of Mal's boots as he walked up the stairs and out of the cargo bay.

Picking up his coffee, he took a drink to steady his overwrought nerves before sitting back to stare at the ceiling.

* * *

Kaylee woke early to an empty bed again. She had been seeking Simon's body in her sleep and fell out of her bed to land with a jarring thump on her floor. 

Frustrated by Simon's absence, she dressed quickly and went in search of him.

Kaylee was just about to open Simon's door, when she heard River moan and then gasp.

Worried that something was wrong, she turned and opened River's door.

The view that greeted her eyes was unexpected and a shock. River lay naked on her back, legs wide open with a nude Mal licking at her pussy.

Kaylee stood there stunned, unsure what to do, when she heard someone calling her name.

"Kaylee, where are you girl? Serenity's engine is makin' all kinds of weird noises again." Mal's angry voice echoed into the dorm area.

Confused Kaylee looked from the cargo bay back into River's room and back again, then a big grin bloomed over her face.

Shutting the dorm room door, she called out as she entered the cargo bay. "Coming Captain."

Simon awoke to the sound of Kaylee's voice yelling something to the Captain.

He dressed hurriedly. It was his turn to make breakfast.

* * *

River was the last person to enter the dining room. Everyone else had already begun eating. 

Kaylee taking note of her arrival, waited until River had placed a heaping spoonful of scrambled eggs in her mouth before asking, "So River, you gonna tell everyone what you got in that crate or can I?"

River's eyes widened in fear and then narrowed in anger at her brother. He'd told her secret and he'd promised.

She tried desperately to swallow her food with a throat that had suddenly gone dry, when Kaylee cheerfully blurted out. "River got herself a Mal love bot and has been using it."

River looked stricken. Darting a quick glance at the Captain, she noted the irate look on his face and darted from the room, overturning her chair in her haste.

Simon had choked on his eggs at Kaylee's announcement. If River had a bot then who was it in her bunk with her the last five nights?

Simon turned confused eyes on to Mal, who returned them steadily.

"Aww Mal, you wouldn't let me keep Mr. Universe's love bot, Lenore, how come crazy gets to have one and I don't?" Jayne whined.

Mal just shot Jayne a look that quickly silenced the mercenary. His focus returned to the Doc and they shared a silent understanding.

"I didn't mean to upset her. I'll just…" Kaylee said as she started to rise from her seat.

"Let the captain handle it." Simon interrupted as he put a restraining hand on her arm.

Kaylee resumed her seat and glanced from Simon to Mal. Realizing that there was more going on here than she was aware of, she resumed eating. She'd get it out of Simon later.

"Zoë." Mal looked briefly at her.

"Sir." Zoë's eyes responded in the affirmative after sussing out what was going on.

Satisfied that the crew and the ship would be taken care of, Mal rose from his seat and went to chase down a distraught albatross.

Zoë's concerned gaze followed him out the door before turning to glare at Jayne.


	5. Chapter 5

Mal Love Bots for Sale! (5/6)

Word Count: 1,321 per Word

Rating: M - overall story rating

Author's Note: For damiarvn, srichard, and obsidianagirl

Summary: This the end. There will be an Epilogue however that is pure smutty goodness.

Disclaimer: The great, almighty and powerful Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. own the universe and characters. I'm just playing with them.

Qing jinCome in

* * *

Mal took his time as he headed toward the dorms. He wanted the extra time to think about what he was going to say. 

River's reaction concerned him and he needed answers.

He slid her door open to find River curled up in ball, her head resting in the bots stiff lap. It reminded him of his last view of Mr. Universe but he quickly shoved that memory aside. He needed to deal with her, not ghosts from the past.

"River?" Mal asked softly, as he shut the door behind him.

Rolling over, she buried her face in the bot's stomach, trying to hide herself from Mal.

"River sweetheart. I think we need to talk." Mal sat on the bed and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Embarrassed. No one was suppose to know, especially you."

"I've known since the crate arrived."

River turned scared, confused eyes looking at his.

Mal grinned at her look. "You're not the only smart person on this boat. I watched you open the crate. I've been coming down to the common area and been listening to what you've been doing with that bot."

River blushed and turned to bury her face again.

"Not sure how I feel about you carrying on with that bot. Never been jealous of a bot that was me before."

River lay perfectly still. Frozen in hope and fear.

"Honey, I need you to look at me. Tell me what's going on. I'm in the dark here and I don't want to do the wrong thing."

River trembled as she sat up to lean against the wall, her knees against her chest. The realm of emotions for someone other than her brother was still new to her. She loved Serenity and it's crew, but how she felt for the Captain was something entirely different. This was outside her realm of understanding but she had to know.

"Nobody sees me. I'm not just an albatross. I'm a woman now. Have feelings. See what I want but no touching. Hurts inside. Was broken, now pieced back together but there are pieces missing. Love fills the holes. Can't breath, can't fly, and can't live without love.

"Everyone still sees me as a broken little girl. I'm not anymore. I'm better, not whole and might never be, but better."

"So why don't you help us all see how you've grown."

"Don't know how."

"Yes you do. Stop letting Simon speak for you. Give your opinion. Let people know what you think."

"You make it sound easy."

"It is. Mind you, people might not agree with you about some things, but that doesn't mean you're not entitled to think what you want. Stick to your guns, no matter who disagrees with ya."

"Even you?"

"Especially me. I'm a stubborn, old captain."

"Not old."

"Older than you."

"Age is based on cycles of the sun from the date of birth. Speaks little of experience."

"Having been around longer usually gives an individual the benefit of more opportunities to experience."

River nodded at this.

"But what about me. I experience everything."

"Well, I guess you're the exception to that rule."

"So why does no one see me?"

"River, we all see you but for the longest time you needed us to take care of you. I guess now you don't. You have to make us understand that."

River sat momentarily and absorbed his advice.

Mal gave her a few moments before getting to the heart of the matter.

"So why did you buy the bot?"

River buried her face in her knees and mumbled something.

"River, I didn't hear you."

"You especially don't see me and I so desperately want you too."

"So you'd rather have a mirage than the real thing?"

River looked at Mal through the shield of her hair, the impact of his question raising optimism in her.

"Better than nothing at all. Not her, don't have her beauty or grace to tempt a man.

"Didn't look, I promise, but sometimes things come in no matter how hard I try. Saw the truth of who and what you are. Understood you when other's, even Zoë, failed to. Saw the honor and kindness buried under the grim choices you've been given."

River sucked in a breath and declared her intentions, "I want it all. I want to be with you, beside you, every day, every night, in celebratory times and in grim. Soul mates joined down through the ages; one person in two bodies. That's what I want but only you can tell me if I can have it."

Mal was agape. He'd suspected and now he knew.

"Talk about putting all your cards on the table."

"I've shown you mine, now you show me yours."

Mal paused. He knew River could just pluck how he felt from his brain, but it was necessary for him to speak the words so she could hear them from his lips.

"Back on Miranda, when I first got of the lift the first thing I noticed was that you weren't there. I felt like the last piece of my soul had been ripped from my body when I realized you were dead. Then those doors opened and there you stood, like an avenging goddess, defending our family.

"I knew then that you understood what I valued most in this world, because you valued it too. You would do anything to protect the ones that you love, no matter how dreadful the act so long as it kept them safe. No matter what it costs you to keep them safe, you'd do it."

Mal reached over, took River's hand and stared deep into her eyes.

"I realized that the faith I'd lost back in Serenity Valley hadn't been lost, it was just waiting. Waiting for you. You gave me faith that I could believe in something other than myself because I believe in you."

Tears streamed down River's face as a joyful light filled her eyes.

"So to answer your question, yes River, you can have it all."

River launched herself at Mal. Wrapping her arms around his neck, their lips met with all the pent-up passion for the other that they'd been hiding.

Just then a knock sounded at the door.

"River?" Kaylee's voice filtered into their subconscious and the pair reluctantly drew apart.

River settled herself comfortable into Mal's lap before she spoke.

"Qing jin."

Kaylee opened the door. A hesitant look on her face, which broke into hundred-watt smile when she saw River wrapped in Mal's arms, the love bot motionless on the bed beside them.

"Wanted to apologize for embarrassing you. I wasn't thinking. Just wanted to taunt Jayne with the fact that I figured it out before him. I'm sorry."

"Not a problem. Sometimes good things come from mistakes." River smiled as she snuggled into Mal's arms.

Taking the contented looks on both the Captain and River's faces, Kaylee figured River was right.

"So the two of you?"

River looked up at Mal, unsure of how he wanted to handle the crew finding out about them.

Placing a kiss on the end of her nose, Mal replied, "Yeah, the two of us."

"That's shiny Captain."

Kaylee turned to go, but paused and asked over her shoulder, "Is this a secret?"

"Nope and the Doc knows." Mal said as he leaned down and kissed River again.

Smiling happily, Kaylee shut the door on the couple and wandered off to find Simon.

Mal's hands were stroking up River's sides, as his tongue forayed into her mouth, exploring hers.

With a moan, he pulled himself out of the kiss.

"We've got a job to do."

"Later?" River inquired as her fingers stroked his chest.

"Definitely later." Mal smirked as he stood and set River gently on her feet.

Taking her by the hand, he led her out into their future together.


	6. Chapter 6

Mal Love Bots for Sale! (6/6)

Word Count: 664 per Word

Rating: M - overall story rating.

Author's Note: For damiarvn, srichard, and obsidianagirl

Summary: This the end of the story.

Disclaimer: The great, almighty and powerful Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. own the universe and characters. I'm just playing with them.

* * *

Mal grinned as he walked into the kitchen to make himself and River a cup of tea. The job had gone well. No one had been shot up, stabbed or otherwise harmed and they'd gotten paid. That made everything right in his 'verse for the moment.

He was surprised to see Simon sitting at the table.

"Doc." He nodded his head as he went over to the sink and filled the pot with water.

"I'm confused about a few things."

"Like what?"

"If that was River's bot that I saw her… with in her bunk, then how did you know what I was doing to try and keep you two apart?"

"I saw her open the crate. I watched her room every night to get a minute alone with her and saw you guardin' it. Figured you knew," the captain shrugged. " 'Sides, every time I went down there I could hear 'em going at it." Mal's insides churned as he thought about River and the bot.

"And you said all those things to me because…" Simon left the statement open. He needed to know.

"I meant what I said." Mal didn't want to go speaking about feelings again with Simon.

Simon pondered the ramifications of the bot in the series of events, as Mal prepared two cups of tea.

Taking a deep breath, he had one last question to ask of the captain. "So, aren't you, I don't know, jealous of the bot?"

Mal shot Simon a penetrating glance.

"If Kaylee had gotten one of you before...?"

"I would... that is to say, I wouldn't be…" Simon faltered as the impact of a variety of emotions coursed through him, drawing a succinct "oh."

"Exactly. 'Night, Doc." Mal said as he headed toward the bridge.

Simon watched Mal's retreat before sighing heavily and heading toward Kaylee's bunk.

* * *

Mal strode onto the bridge, setting the steaming mug on the console before River. 

"There you go, darlin."

River smiled as she lifted the cup to her lips, savoring the smell of jasmine as it wafted toward her.

Mal grinned as he sat down in the pilot's chair. He just adored that look of happiness of his albatross's face.

"Question for ya."

River gave him an inquisitive look.

"I know for a fact that bots have limited programming and the voice on my bots sound nothing like me. So how come yours does?"

River blushed as she pulled her legs up onto her chair, curling into her defensive/reflective pose.

"Recorded your voice, wrote an interactive program while I waited. Had to be right. Had to fool..."

Mal's eyebrows shot up. He shoulda figured, what with her being a gorram genius and all.

"Where's it hidden? Jayne looked in all a Serenity's crannies an' never did find a damn thing."

River beamed. "Empty space under my bed. Only place big enough to hide a man."

Mal's eyes twinkled in pride and delight at the pure ingenuity of his girl.

"Am I? Your girl?"

"Have I given you reason to think otherwise?"

"Sometimes I'm your girl, sometimes your albatross, some times Simon's little sister. So many things. Never know for sure."

"Hmm. Thought I'd been pretty clear. You're River, first and foremost. As to what else you are, well, I guess it's time for bed."

Mal's eyes twinkled in devilment as he stood and walked over to stand next to River, his hand held out.

River's face was a picture of confusion as she stared at him, unsure why he was shooing her off to bed without answering her question.

Sometimes the words had to be said aloud. "Am I sleeping alone tonight, lil' one, or will you be joining me?"

Delight illuminated River's face as she took his hand and rose to stand in front of him.

"Never alone again."

"That's what I thought." Mal said, as he leaned down and kissed her forehead.

They turned and walked toward his bunk, fingers intertwined.


	7. Epilogue

Mal Love Bots for Sale! (Epilogue)

Word Count: 1,882 per Word

Rating: M - overall story rating.

Author's Note: For justslummin who nagged and nagged until I wrote this shiny epilogue. This one is all for you babe! Special thanks to obsidianagirl for her beta and nagging to get this done also, so I could start work on HER fic.

Summary: Smutty Epilogue in which Mal shows River the differences between a bot and a man.

Disclaimer: The great, almighty and powerful Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. own the universe and characters. I'm just playing with them.

* * *

Mal smiled softly as he released River's hand and gently pushed the hatch to his bunk open with his foot.

Gesturing for her to precede him, he realized there were a few things he needed to know before anything happened.

As River took the last step down into Mal's bunk, she realized it wasn't like Kaylee's. She assumed it would be small and only have a twin bunk but instead it had a full sized bed and was twice the size of Kaylee's.

She was gazing at everything and nothing at the same time. Each item she saw was a tiny snapshot of the soul of their captain, but no one piece captured him in his entirety.

Mal locked the door to his room before turning to watch River as she slowly and efficiently catalogued everything in the room.

"Zoë gave me back the captain's quarters after Miranda, saying it wasn't right for her to have it with Wash gone. Didn't realize how much I missed that bed until I got it back."

Stepping out from behind the ladder, he made his way toward her. Grasping her hand, he turned her toward him. Leaning down, he captured her lips in a tender kiss.

River's arms twined around his neck as Mal's arms gathered her close.

Breaking the kiss, Mal stared deep into her eyes. He didn't want to ask this question, but he needed to know.

"Bao bei, before we go any further, …"

River placed a finger over his lips to stop him. She knew Mal needed to know something before they made love for the first time. She also sensed his jealous anxiety that the bot had been her first, something he so desperately wanted for himself.

"Reprogrammed it only to perform cunnilingus. Actual and whole; just for you."

Mal felt an incredible weight lift from his shoulders, as the breath he'd been holding whooshed out of his lungs.

River closed her eyes and ran her fingers into his hair and began tugging him down for another kiss, when she felt him resisting her.

Opening her eyes in confusion, she stared at him.

"If we're gonna do this, we're doing it my way." Mal said as he took a step back, extricating himself from her grasp.

River was bereft at the loss of his body and stared at him, bafflement written on her face.

"Trust me and no peeking." Mal teased huskily.

Nodding, River turned expectant eyes toward him, anticipation clearly written in every line of her body, as she waited for him to make a move.

Mal stood back and raked his gaze from her beautiful, bare toes that curled on the rug in his bunk, up her deadly, graceful legs, over her lithe torso, where they paused momentarily to watch as her breasts rose and fell as she breathed. All this beauty encased in a simple red paisley sundress.

Then his eyes turned to her face, watching hungrily as she licked her lips, over her nose to stare into the coffee colored depths of her eyes, where love, want, brilliance and mischief danced as she greedily returned his perusal with one of her own.

Smirking, he stepped forward, wrapping one hand into her midnight tresses and the other going around her waist to pull her flush against his body. His lips swooped in greedily to feast on hers.

His lips and teeth nibbled her lips hungrily before he began kissing across her neck to her ear. His tongue swirled and investigated the whorls of her ear before moving down to lick and nip at the sensitive flesh of her neck. Meanwhile, his hands slid down her body, mapping every contour of her body even as he negotiated her toward the bed.

River was awash in pleasure. She clutched his shoulders to keep from falling. Every touch, every thing Mal did was making her body hum with pleasure. He was playing her like a finely tuned instrument. Where he, the virtuoso, cajoled sounds from her that blurred the lines between instrument and player and they became one.

Mal leaned back and took in with certain satisfaction the look of bliss on River's face. He had only just begun.

When River's eyes opened to look at him questioningly, he smirked as the leaned down and grasped the hem of her dress and swept it up and off her body. Tossing it carelessly behind him, he took in the sight before. River lay naked except for her black shorts; her nipples peaking in cool air, begging for his attention.

"Lay down." Mal commanded.

River shivered in delight and turned to walk to the bed, only to realize she was right next to it. Giving Mal an arch look, she sank into the mattress and shimmied her way until she was fully reclined upon its surface.

His eyes never straying from River, Mal placed a booted foot on the edge of the bed. His hands unbuckled first one then switching his feet to undo the other. Standing up he toes them off, he then reaches down and pulls his socks off. Shrugging out of his suspenders, he hastily unbuttons and removes his shirt but keeps his pants on.

River's hair lays in a halo about her head, casting her in an angelic light, however, the look in her eyes and the smile on her face promised only sin.

Mal chuckled at this. He was guaranteeing himself a place in the Shepherd's Special Hell but right now, looking at her, he really didn't give a good gorram.

Hooking his fingers in the waistband of her panties, he slides them off to expose her fully to his gaze. Oh yes, he had plans for his lil' albatross. His cerulean eye twinkled with his 'I am to misbehave' look as he took in the beauty laid out willingly for his perusal.

Mal laid down next to her and kissed her tenderly on the lips. He reared back momentarily and smiled lovingly before swooping in to ravenously devour her mouth. He then proceeded to kiss his way over to her ear. There he began to kiss and nibble on the lobe, causing her to shiver in delight. Working his way down her neck, he sucked gently at the sensitive spot where her shoulder met her neck. Then he wandered down her chest to the value between her breasts.

Grinning into her skin, he began licking, kissing and working his way around first one breast and then the other. Never crossing the pink line of her areola to her nipple.

River had fisted her hands in his hair and tugged impatiently even as she whimpered in frustration.

"Mal." She groaned out.

Lifting his head, he looked at her. "Yes."

River's eyes pleaded with his.

Mal just smiled and resumed his torture.

River twisted her body and tugged at his head in attempt to get him to take possession of one of her nipples but he managed to evade each of her tactics.

River moaned and groaned. Oh how she wanted him to suckle her but now matter what she did, she was denied. In frustration, she yelled, "Mal!"

Mal ignored her demand and continued nipping and nuzzling her milky breasts, studiously ignoring the pointed flesh.

Figuring he'd driven her sufficiently to distraction, he latched on. He sucked hard on one breast, while he pinched the other.

With a scream, River came.

Mal smirked against her breast as he continued to lave first one and then the other nipple as River's body twitched and shuddered as she came down from her orgasm.

River was surprised, just as she was coming back down another orgasm exploded. Her voice keened out, "MAaalcoooolmmmm."

Knowing he'd pleasured River twice already, Mal began kissing his way down her flat stomach to her belly button. Thrusting his tongue in and out of the shallow divot as he waited for her to come back to herself. Raising his head, he inquired, "All right there, baby?"

River just nodded dazedly at him.

He grinned, resumed nuzzling her belly and shifted himself so that he lay between her legs. Continuing his journey toward her curls, he was distracted when she yanked his hair to get his attention.

"River?"

River shook her head. She didn't want him to do that.

Mal's eyebrows rose in surprise before he responded, "We'll get to that, darlin'. I just have something I want to do first." With than, Mal thrust his tongue against her clit.

River gasped as pleasure began radiating from her core outwards.

His tongue laved and lapped at her as his fingers played with her nipples. Within moments, River screamed again as her hands clenched the sheets in an attempt to ground herself. Mal continued to rub her now over sensitized clit, causing another orgasm to follow on the heels of the first. He then thrust into her warm pussy to savor her.

Satisfied that he'd shown her the difference between a man and a bot, Mal fumbling and swiftly stripped. Laying himself atop her, his cock nestled against her mound. He propped himself on his elbows as he watched her come back to reality.

River beamed as she wrapped her legs willingly around his hips.. Leaning up, she plundered his mouth while she shifted slightly so that he was poised at her entrance. Mal took the hint and began to slide into her. Her orgasms having made her slick and eased his entry but all to soon he reached her maidenhead. Deciding that faster was better, Mal reared back and then thrust through.

River tensed at the pain and Mal stilled as he waited for to adjust to this new sensation. He was fighting like hell not to just pound into her. She was so warm and tight around him and all he wanted to do was thrust into her over and over again until they both found their release.

Feeling River relax, Mal began to thrust. River gasped as the motion spread pleasure to her extremities.

Mal paused and looked at her cautiously.

River gaped at him in surprise. Smacking him on the shoulder, she hissed, "Move."

Mal grinned and then began thrusting.

River smiled and began stroking his back and then reached down and grasped his ass, causing him to thrust forcefully into her.

"Again." River gasped.

Mal leaned down and sucked her lower lip into his mouth to nibble and suck on, as he pounded into her hard.

River's nails dug into his ass as she screamed with her orgasm. The sensation of her walls clenching like a fist around him launched Mal into his own release.

Exhausted, he collapsed on top of her. His head nuzzled against her neck as she stroked his hair.

Realizing that he was crushing her, Mal rolled off of her.

River felt abandoned momentarily but that feeling quickly vanished when Mal pulled her into his arms. Throwing his leg over hers, she shook silently when she realized he was going asleep. Snuggling into the embrace, she closed her eyes and drifted to sleep.

As they slept, a new inner peace settled over the pair as the part of their souls that they had each been missing for so long, found itself in the other.

Fin

or is it????


End file.
